January

We had somehow managed to leave the warmth of the coffee shop, and we now found ourselves walking down the snow covered streets of Matsumoto, New Year's decorations still hung on the light posts.

Friend--- "Allie," she shivers and I can hear her teeth chatter. "Why is it so damn cold?"

Me--- "D, it's so cold here that I've actually slept with a beanie on."

Friend--- "What's wrong with that?"

Me--- "hhh, it's sad. It's like saying you sleep with your gloves on."

Friend--- " Allie, I sleep with a beanie on, in front of my heater."

California girls attempting to survive their first Japanese winter.

The Savior

When I was a child, my father made me attend Catholic church every weekend and religious classes one night a week.

It was torture.

I was baptized, went through Communion, memorized the book of prayers he handed me, and did the rest of the Catholic rituals, but I always wondered why?

I would sit in church, my eyes wandering around the room, wondering why was I here?

If there was a God, why couldn't I see him, but he could see everything I did?

If there was a God, why must I go to confession, if he already knew the sins I’d committed?

And, how was it possible that he had time to watch everyone else if he was always watching me?

As I grew older, the questions continued to grow,  as I drifted farther and farther away from the idea of ever believing in religion.

I try not to think about religion to often, because I rarely like where my mind takes me.

If there is a God, why do we lose our lives at the hands of others?

If there is a God, why has he turned his cheek on the starving and the diseased?

I just can't seem to understand, if there is a God, why must humanity suffer so?

Dear God, if you’re there, why aren’t you answering peoples’ prayers?

And God, if I have your attention, whose prayers will you answer, since everyone claims you belong solely to his or her religion?

If we are your children God, and the human race is as selfish, self-centered, destructive and violent as it appears to be, then what does that say about your parenting?

Religion is like being in a toxic relationship. People stay in it because they are too scared to see who they can be on their own after the breakup. They’re too scared to leave the side of the person they think they love, even if that person divides them from others and boxes them into a naïve little world. They depend on the false sense of security that it provides.

What a beautiful world this would be if people just loved others the way they want to be loved. What a beautiful world this could be if we didn't find ways to build walls between our neighbors and us. Imagine if everyone was a good person, because it felt right in his or her heart.

Why is it so hard to simply believe in the beauty that is before you? The trees, the ocean, the sky, the stars, everything in this magical world we have been so fortunate to be a part of. Why are we not content with what we have, but rather find solace in the belief that a God created it? That this big powerful man would go through all that trouble, just for us. Why is it so difficult for people to believe that maybe the world just… is. 

My Wild Light

When he showed me the song he made he told me how he had us in mind while creating.

He sampled the lyrics, "Ours was a cyclone."

All I heard was, "I was a psycho."

Hers was as Thunder

Law of Attraction

If you want something badly enough, it will be yours.

The drive to Hakuba...

First day on the snow...

Powder day in Nozawa...

Winter Wonderland

Nozawa Onsen

Girl's Day

This beautiful life I get to call my own.

The drive to Happone...

A night of fresh snow….

Heading to Tsugaike...

The American flag is a common print on Japanese snow gear….

And then we went to Cortina….

Hello Cortina!

Nagano prefecture….

Better Late Than Never

Two weeks ago I turned twenty-six years old. I wrote this on the morning of my birthday, November 28, 2013….

Today I turn 26 years old. 

I don't have a husband or any kids. 

I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. 

I don't own a car or a house. 

I dont have an office job or a serious commitment to a career. 

I don't have any giant college loans or credit card debit. 

I don't own any furniture other than a Japanese style bed (floor mattress), and until yesterday I didn't own a phone. 

To most peoples' amazement, I don't even own a refrigerator.  

And yet, there is nothing I lack. 

I am free. 

I am alive.

I am experiencing the most beautiful life. 

I have the support of a family that loves me, and the greatest friends from around the world. There is nothing I wish for on my birthday, and nothing I am not thankful for, today on Thanksgiving.



Cheers to being 26.
….Into another adventure I go.

Limbo

Last month I went home to San Diego for the first time in over a year. While it was because of unforeseen circumstances that pulled be back to sunny Southern California, I had been hitting that mark where after being abroad for long enough you do start to miss your family and friends.

I love Japan, and I loved Thailand just as much, if not maybe more, but after returning home I realized that nothing can ever replace what San Diego means to me.

It's not just a city, it's home.

I've been avoiding writing about it because I haven't known how to put words to the way I'm feeling. I long for the place where I know everything and everyone and I have managed to somehow build friendships with the most amazing people in that city. My heart pulls for the city where my family lives and the street names are familiar and where my room feels like, well, mine.

But at the same time I push away from a return date, because I can't seem to quiet the voice that tells me I don't fit there anymore. That even if I returned and everyone was there and everything was the same, the matter of the fact is that I am not. I don't have a place at home, and none of my dreams or goals begin in that city.  As badly as I want to go back, in a matter of months, maybe even weeks, I would be plotting my next destination.


Laying in bed at night figuring out how to save enough for just one more plane ticket out.

Proud Owner

Monday morning my three year old student rushed into the classroom waving what appeared to be the gift of a lifetime. It was a pair of underwear, with the bum covered in pictures of the most recent popular super heroes in Japan.

The pair of undies were still held together by the original packaging, which he had chosen to leave in place. He was so happy to own them, he wasn't ready to actually wear them. First, he had to bring them to school and show all his friends. Which he did. All day long.

To say that the underwear were shoved in my face at least ten times while the student shouted, "Allie Sensei, Mi Te!" (Miss. Allie, look!), would be a huge understatement. Each time he waved them in front of me I reacted with the enthusiasm I imagined he was hoping for, but he kept coming back. Either he was making sure I hadn't forgotten his newest wardrobe addition, or he was hoping to make me jealous. 

Throughout the day he ran from classroom to classroom showing off his favorite new possession. He wanted to make sure everyone knew how special they were to him. I didn't stop him or ask him to put them away, because I figured at his age things like new undies really are special, and being able to show them to your friends and tell the story of how they came into your life is actually kind of a big deal.

While it was hilarious to say the least, it also left me leaving work with a huge smile on my face. It's days like those where I realize how simple and happy life can be. 

Sometimes all it takes is a new pair of actions figure underwear to truly make your day.