Thursday, July 3, 2014


Our mind often takes us back to times and people, in places we don't want to think about.

Flipping through the catalogue of memories, we are bound to land on a few we stashed away. Pushed so far down that you thought it'd be ages until they came back to you.

I can't stop thinking about Disneyland.

The last time I went was in 2009.

It was the night I fell in love.


Not with Disneyland, but with him.

It was after midnight and we were both naked sitting in an empty hotel bathtub.

With no water between us, we passed the joint back and forth, the only light a faded dim green from the room beyond.

Smoke filled my hazy world.

My brain spun out of control.

I haven't felt that way since. Or ever before. For anyone.

And my mind won't let it go.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


With a little over three weeks to go until I close my life in Matsumoto, it's starting to sink in.

To hit me.

Tears streamed down my face today as I biked against traffic to work.

I thought I would feel relieved telling my work and the families of the children that I would be leaving.

I thought I would feel that a weight had been lifted once I finally made the decision.

And it has. 

But a new weight is settling.

The anxiety of transition.
The speed of which it happens at.
The rush if the unknown that you're plunging into.

Sometimes we really lose what mattered most in the process of moving forward.

There's nothing I can do but wait.
Keep my eyes, my mind, and most of all my heart open to everything new that is coming my way.

Looping in my head-

Everything will be just fine.
When the dust clears I will find
Everything I've been looking for.